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I will not go through the full body scanners at the airport. Not because I'm afraid they'll cause cancer or reduce my sperm count, but really just to be as much of a dick as possible.
Those who see fit to deprive us of liberty for a false sense of security deserve for me to be a complete dick. Being a dick in the name of liberty is a good thing.
So my plan, from now on when I fly, is to "opt out" of the full body scanner, saying the idea of someone seeing me naked makes me uncomfortable.
When I'm taken aside for my full-body groping by some TSA flunky, I'll insist on my "pat down" being in full sight of the rest of the passengers in the line. Then, every time he touches me, I'll laugh and swat at their hands claiming his is tickling me.
That is, until he gets to my crotch area. As soon as his hand is anywhere near my danglies, I'm gonna start thrusting my hips at the TSA dork in a lewd manner. There may be inappropriate vocalization accompanying the hand-humping. Once he finishes, assuming he hasn't gotten the Taser out yet, I'm going to demand that he didn't do it right and insist they do it again, only more thoroughly. I want the Tier 2 fondler, dammit! I may even claim to be homosexual, just to see if I can convince them to make the butch female TSA rent-a-cop put down her donut and give me a pat down.
Security Theater is such utter bullshit, so you might as well have fun with it. |
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